Hey Soccer Mom, should you attend every soccer game?
“Mom, Dad, watch me!” This common plea from kids is good advice for parents. Kids want their parents’ attention and encouragement, and the soccer field is a great way to show your support. Maybe you know someone or have personal memories of a parent who was noticeably absent from every school sports event. That kind of memory hurts far into adulthood. But somehow in the past decades parental support at sports events has shifted, and not so subtly.
You know about the parents shouting at the coach and referees from the sidelines. Too much parental involvement is not healthy, but the issue discussed here is slightly different than the parent who is trying to live their dreams through their kids, or the parent who can’t stand the sight of seeing their kids fouled.
Within every soccer team is a parent or group of parents who attend every soccer game, at home and away, and maybe even some of the practices. These parents may cheer supportively and appropriately and provide helpful transportation for other players. They may sit through multiple games during tournaments just to see their child play. They may spend hours commuting from one game to another if other children are playing sports. Kudos go out to the parent making a sacrifice to support their kids.
However, how does “that” parent make you feel about not attending every soccer game? Do you feel guilty for not being as omnipresent as other parents? Have you made the effort to be “that” parent, and wondered if the sacrifice was worth it?
While attending every single sports activity is never wrong in itself, there are some good reasons why it is okay to occasionally miss a soccer game.
1. As much as you should love and support your child, you should never make him or her the center of your universe. Hovering over your kids can give them an entitlement complex, and hinder their development. If your child is old enough to play organized team sports, he or she is old enough to participate without you.
2. One lesson kids take from playing team sports is a sense of independence. Your child will gain just as much from knowing they can participate as an individual within a team -- without you there to monitor them -- as they do from your support at the games you attend. Every child is different, but some kids like a little bit of parental distance, especially in their teen years. Other kids might need to learn through your absence. They’ll suck it up when they feel tired, and push themselves for the coach if they don’t have you on the sidelines to run to and complain.
3. Your spouse and other children may be the ones who suffer because of your sacrifice. Talk about game attendance with your spouse before the season starts to lay out your expectations. Will you both attend games, or take turns? Who will arrange the meal for the evening? Who will take care of the other kids if they do not attend the soccer game? Make a plan you both feel good about.
4. Think about the precedent you are setting, and whether you can keep it up. If you attend every game for your oldest child, will you be able to do the same for the second, or third? Sibling rivalry will ensure your kids will notice these details, and hold grudges over any unfairness.
5. If you are employed, frequent soccer game attendance will likely put a strain on your employer-employee relationship. If you run your own business, you will have to make many judgment calls on whether to attend the soccer game or meet that really important client.
6. Your child will understand. If you have a healthy, well-rounded relationship, your child will readily accept your occasional absence. Talk to your child before the soccer season starts about the possibility that you might miss a few soccer games when life demands it. Giving your kids a heads-up will help them mentally prepare and adjust their expectations. It is especially important to let them know before a game so they won’t be distracted searching for you in the crowd, wondering why you didn’t show up.
Attending soccer games is important. It shows you are interested in your child and what matters to him or her. There will be times when you should make sacrifices to attend all of the games, such as for the child who feels like the worst team member and needs your support no matter how badly he or she plays. But in general, attending every single soccer game is not in the rulebook for being a good parent. Being a supportive parent is in the rulebook, and you can do that in so many ways, even if you missed a soccer game.
Every child’s needs are different, and every family’s needs are different. Use common sense and open communication to make the best decisions for everyone – including yourself. Above all, stop feeling guilty about not being the omnipresent sports parent.
